Tears

I've been doing alot of things this one month plus. Sinificantly different things from what I've been so used to doing all my life. I've been hearing many stories, seen many people cry but I had still managed to control my emotions all the way. At one point I really thought I was emotionless, or at least tearless.

But I broke down. I broke down yesterday. I received a sms from a teacher on e previous night that a player of mine contracted cancer. At that point of time I was sad, but I was busy, so didn't really think much. I thought maybe its just the beginning stage, so he still got a high chance to be cured? N he's still so young. But I was wrong. Totally wrong. I heard from my boys yesterday that his cancerous cells had spread to a huge portion of his body. And I smsed my ex teacher then I realised that his condition have got so bad that visitors are not advisable.

I totally broke down yesterday night. Really broke down.

I could have prevented him from smoking. I should have prevented him from smoking. And if I managed to learn and know somethings earlier I could have helped him. But I didn't. And there I was concerned with my own ethics that I didn't want to face and find a solution to help him.

I'm trying. No matter what.